Continuing our discussion on mental discipline and controlling bad habits, let’s examine the impact of the language we use and the visuals we invoke. We communicate both externally and internally primarily through language and imagery. Yes, we also use gestures and other senses, but in a much more limited way. Our brains rely on language and visuals to shape emotional states. By understanding our linguistic and visual triggers—and learning how to counter them—we can interrupt the pathways that lead to undesirable emotions and behaviors. While this concept is sometimes narrowly defined as Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), we’ll explore it more broadly to understand how the brain uses words and imagery. Rather than subscribing to a single technique, we’ll look at various verbal and visual tools and connect them to the overarching Mind Your Thoughts theme we’ve been discussing.
July 18, 2025
12.1 Language for Positive Habits
Just like in Pavlov’s experiments with dogs, we often anchor our emotions to specific external events. For example, imagine you’re trying to help someone, putting in effort, yet they never check in on you or ask if you need anything. Their apparent selfishness can trigger feelings of anger—and the more self-absorbed they seem, the more your emotions intensify, anchoring you further into resentment. To break this pattern, you need to “unanchor” yourself and form a new emotional association, since anger, as discussed in a previous chapter, triggers inflammation and harms health. Try visualizing the person as a five-year-old—self-centered, unaware, and innocent. Imagine them in a comical or childlike way; this visualization loosens the grip of anger and helps you form a new emotional anchor. Similarly, if you’re irritated by someone’s habit, like eating noisily, imagine them humorously eating grass with bits coming out of their nose and ears. Such playful imagery can weaken strong negative emotions over time, turning triggers into moments of amusement rather than frustration.
Let’s digress briefly to explore language and its evolutionary roots. The evolution of language in early humanoids is believed to have originated from gesture observation and mirroring behaviors. The F5 premotor area in monkeys and Broca’s region in humans both contain mirror neurons responsible for interpreting gestures, forming a pre-language communication system that likely seeded vocal expression. As humanoids evolved, freeing their forelimbs from walking allowed for greater motor coordination and complex hand use. This interplay between brain development and motor skill refinement accelerated both cognitive and linguistic evolution, as motor skills are considered precursors to language. Returning to our main topic of mirroring, we can consciously imitate individuals whose emotional and behavioral patterns we wish to cultivate. By observing and adopting their mannerisms, actions, and thought processes, we can temporarily align ourselves with more positive states an especially useful technique when feeling sad, angry, anxious, or fearful. As the old saying goes, “Change your friends if you want to change your habits.” Mirroring operates powerfully in social settings, so if you wish to change your behaviors, begin by distancing yourself from groups that reinforce unhelpful patterns or negative thought processes.
1. “From monkey-like action recognition to human language: an evolutionary framework for neurolinguistics”, by Michael A Arbib, Behav Brain Sci. 2005 Apr;28(2):105-24.
Sometimes we hold certain personal rules, and when others violate them, our emotions flare up. At other times, we may disregard rules ourselves, only to clash with people who view them differently—leading again to emotional tension or behaviors that can form bad habits. For example, some people justify drinking at parties by saying, “I need to enjoy life,” linking enjoyment with alcohol, while others may find no pleasure in that. Or consider driving early in the morning—seeing a red light when no one’s around might feel like a harmless rule to break, yet others may see it as unacceptable. This principle applies not just to alcohol or traffic laws but also to social, ethical, governmental, and quid pro quo rules. Conflicts also arise at home—one partner may want to unwind by watching TV after work, while the other may see that time as a chance to reconnect. Cultivating the habit of reframing is key to peaceful living. Personally, I get frustrated when people in a group fail to contribute or when government rules seem applied unevenly, depending on who you know—but I’ve realized that such attitudes only harm my health. Some may interpret marital boundaries loosely, others view substance use as freedom, yet in all cases, reframing our perspectives is essential to break free from harmful emotional patterns and habits.
2. ”Human balance, the evolution of bipedalism and dysequilibrium syndrome”, John R Skoyles, Med Hypotheses. 2006;66(6):1060-8.
3. “Two families with quadrupedalism, mental retardation, no speech, and infantile hypotonia (Uner Tan Syndrome Type-II); a novel theory for the evolutionary emergence of human bipedalism” by Uner Tan, Front Neurosci, 2014 Apr 22:8:84. doi: 10.3389/fnins.2014.00084. eCollection 2014.
4. “When the hands speak”, by Maurizio Gentilucci , Riccardo Dalla Volta, Claudia Gianelli, J Physiol Paris, 2008 Jan-May;102(1-3):21-30. doi: 10.1016/j.jphysparis.2008.03.002. Epub 2008 Mar 18.
5. “Spoken language and arm gestures are controlled by the same motor control system” by Maurizio Gentilucci, Riccardo Dalla Volta, Q J Exp Psychol (Hove), 2008 Jun;61(6):944-57. doi: 10.1080/17470210701625683.
6. “The evolution of language” by Michael C Corballis, Ann N Y Acad Sci, 2009 Mar:1156:19-43. Doi: 10.1111/j.1749-6632.2009.04423.x.
Meditation or guided imagery can help you visualize bad habits and emotions fading away while being replaced with positive ones. This visual technique allows you to sit calmly, immerse yourself in desirable emotional states, and mentally release the undesirable ones. Sometimes, simply focusing on an object or sound helps quiet negative thoughts. Practicing this before sleep promotes relaxation and prevents you from losing rest over daily stressors.
Sometimes, it’s helpful to observe yourself from a detached perspective, uncommitted and emotionally neutral, to understand situations without bias and develop strategies to correct your thinking. Another effective approach is learning from successful individuals and how they manage challenges. I’ve noticed that many writers interview accomplished people and then apply similar principles themselves, often finding inspiration through imitation. I, too, was inspired by Bill Robinson, the former Celtics player and coach, who used his influence to uplift his community. Role models like him remind us that success paired with empathy can create meaningful change.
Setting clear, achievable, SMART goals is also essential for transformation. This approach works well for measurable objectives, such asmy goal of achieving complete alcohol abstinence. I track the number of consecutive days I remain alcohol-free, and if I slip, I reset the clock and challenge myself to exceed my previous record. These structured, mindful techniques strengthen discipline and gradually reshape habits for lasting growth.